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I forgot something about Saturday night. I had to get changed at work and go from there and there were a couple of others as well so we all went together. Little David had come to meet people and upon seeing me, exclaimed about how I looked good. Now I wasnapos;t exactly dressed up, just a denim skirt, top and heels, but I chastised him due to his sounding so surprised. This wouldnapos;t have been so bad had somebody else not done the exact same thing as I arrived. Do I not look like the kindof person who scrubs up quite nice when not in work uniform? To be fair, just going out and about Iapos;m more a jeans t-shirt person and I am working on that, but still. It amused me.

Iapos;m currently on holiday from work, and to be honest Iapos;m quite bored. I keep thinking how I could go to the cinema today or tomorrow as I havenapos;t been in absolutely ages and Iapos;m paying for a Cineworld card and not making use of it. Plus I want to go to the charity shop in Wandsworth to look for a chair for my room but I just canapos;t get myself motivated to go. Every time I check film times yet another film I wanted to see has finished and I just donapos;t fancy going to see others on my own.

Instead, tonight I am going to meet my Mother in Victoria as sheapos;s here on business and as her boss is meeting her daughter for tea my Mother thought we should all go out together. Oh lucky me. Though, I think, if I get there early, I might go and look into getting a theatre ticket to go see Wicked as I have yet to see it and I feel like itapos;s something I should do. Iapos;ve been spending money lately on things like that. I have bought tickets to go see Michael McIntyre and Russell Howard at the Hammersmith Apollo in November and going to the theatre would be quite fun I think. Iapos;m also looking into a trip to New York in November as well although Iapos;m not quite sure yet if Iapos;ll have enough money, but whatever, Iapos;m free and can do whatever the hell I want so who cares.

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Is there a reasonable price for things that we like?

Someone used to tell me that oneapos;s dream is more important than money. So donapos;t get stuck with Biochemistry. Follow what my heart is telling me. Now This same person is thinking about quitting academia because the world outside is offering him 5 times more money than a professor position.

In some way, I was disappointed but more than that. I�am scared.

I was taught that everything is measurable in terms of money. Without money, you canapos;t do anything. My father was a practical man because my grandparents got divorced before he got into college. It was when the family needed the money the most. My grandfather just decided to marry someone else because his mistress was pregnant and threatened to attempt suicide. Yup, pretty much like all the drama.

My parents always talks about money around the house. We measure love in terms of money. Its like an occupational hazard for the accountant family. Well, we are pretty traditional too, so my parents never really tell me they apos;loveapos; me. The word apos;loveapos; is too strong in Mandarin. So instead, the literal translation for that is more like apos;donapos;t look at the price, if you like it, we will get it for you as a giftapos;. Ironically, I never really spend money on frivolous things unless I�really like them. It always takes me forever to decide if I�would actually like something enough to purchase it for the price I have to pay for. However, it is a lot easier to buy gifts for someone else. Even if I�think itapos;s a bit pricey, I am willing to pay for it. It is a gift, and I�hope they will enjoy it. So the price shouldnapos;t matter.�

Until one day. Someone backed up from their offering of getting me something I�want because it is too pricey. At first it was just unpleasant. Later, the incident occurs to me as a rude gesture. Does the price really matter if that is what I really want? Or should I just happily accept the lesser version of something that I�donapos;t want in the first place?

I donapos;t like to beg people, and for whatever fucked up reasons I am insecure.
I donapos;t want to say money makes me feel secure, but thatapos;s how I interpret it.

This is the reality we live in

It is so clear. He doesnapos;t see things or commit the same way I want him to.


Thatapos;s why I should never pay to beg for the love I thought I can find outside the house.

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Sometimes I go places and just sit, and watch. Sometimes I watch people, but most often I watch nature. I spy a blade of grass and inspect it closely, then smile and laugh a little. For here is a little wonder that no one has cared to spy before.

Other times I watch my own thoughts, I close my eyes, and give my mind the roaming freedom it often struggles for when it makes me jump through ten subjects in the space of a single moment, most often when I am trying to study the night before a test. So it makes sense that now and again I should resign and just say "Go, wander where you wish, ask the questions youapos;ve been dying to ask." When my mind has asked and pondered what it wishes and all my thoughts have quieted, I open up my eyes.

Then I feel that for a moment or two I can see the picture of life, in itapos;s discrepancies, pain, confusion, continual endeavor, and disappointments. The truths of the human condition. However, then it all changes... I remember mercy, peace, commitment, love, harmony, truth, and grace. All God given to a world in need.

This world isnapos;t perfect I realize, but without pain and suffering how then could we measure the limitlessness of Godapos;s faithfulness and love? Sometimes closing my eyes for a while and then reopening them as if for the first time, I can see this lifeapos;s purpose a little more clearly.
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well, i didnt do anything too exciting today, sat here cleaned the appartment a bit, and looked on livejournal...I went to my fianceapos;s grandmaapos;s and grandfatherapos;s for dinner tonight..We actually go every monday night...I watched a bit of t.v. Tonight, I watched a couple reality shows on vh1 and then i watched the new cbs show my own worst enemy....thats all today went ok....now time to sleep and dream.


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���� Last night was the single most amazing, best night of my life.

���� Well, the morning wasnapos;t all that amazing, because we had to march in a parade that was much longer than I expected, but that was alright. After that I went home and was just like "AHHHH"�until we left for the show, apos;cause I�was uber excited (and it all payed off in the end, but Iapos;ll get to that). So we went and I was really obnoxious in the car, and I kind of feel bad about that now. I�sang like, the entire way there XD.

���� So we got to the show, and I was like, completely out of my mind, cause as soon as we got there we saw Honus Honus through the door, cause it had a big window, and I was like "HOLY�FUCKING�SHIT�FUCKS, THATapos;S�HONUS�HONUS" And Sergei Sogay was just sort of walking around in the beginning, as well as Pow Pow, and I was going completely out of my fucking mind, lol. Then, Jim was just sort of standing at the merch table, and Honus Honus walks up, pulls his hood down, stands there for like, 30 seconds, and walks away. IT�WAS�SO�FUNNY/AMAZING. I�got a shirt =D. It has squid on it...

���� So the first band played, and they were alright. They had an amazing tenor saxophonist who was really good. He was drunk and it was kind of funny. He like, sat over in the corner next to us when he wasnapos;t playing. We was like, laying down at one point, all dejected-like; Becca and I were like "BEST�FRIEND."�We talked to him after they performed and Becca was like�"as a fellow b-flat reed instrument player, I commend your performance."�XDD. Then I was like "Well, I play a non-reed instrument, so Iapos;m the odd man out."�lol. Then there were these kids on the other side of the room who were the only other ones dancing, and there was this kid in like, an argyle sweatervest and we were like "MORE�BEST�FRIENDS,"�and we went over and talked to them and we were like,�"Yeah, you guys are like the only other people dancing, itapos;s so awkward."�They were really nice. We talked about steel-toed shoes and people who donapos;t dance. Then the other opening band was fucking hilarious. They like, showed slideshow things in between songs that were absolutely amazing. My mom thought they were sick�(probably because of Jo-Jo and Bobby Stab a Motherfucker) and Jim thought they werenapos;t good, but I actually thought their songs were fairly good. Iapos;ll put videos up as soon as I�can find a way to get them on the computer, or when Becca uploads hers, whichever comes first.

���� Then... Man Man. Holy shite. Their set was amazing, and we were like, right next to Honus Honus... Like, we were so close, it felt awkward during their sound check cause you felt like you should say something to him. Oh. Oh. And during gap between the gentlemen with itchy legs�(aka Tim Fite), first they were playing these like, learn to speak Spanish tapes, and it was like "WHY�THE�FUCK�ARE�THEY�STILL�PLAYING�THIS??" Then, holy fuck. They played Donapos;t Worry, Be Happy 3487293874029873 times, during Man Manapos;s sound check. I swear to god, I wanted to kill myself. And thereapos;s where the New Noose Boogie came from. At the same time, though, it was absolutely hilarious because everytime it came on again, Pow Pow was like, laughing. His facial expressions are the best in the world. At one point they all started singing, it was so funny. Chang Wang was like, playing with it on the sax, and Honus was playing the piano with it. XD. So yeah, their set started, finally, and it was a-fucking-mazing. They are the best live band in the world, hands down. They played the�Ballad of Butterbeans and Big Trouble and Top Drawer, so I was like,�YES It was so amazing, I�canapos;t even begin to explain. Then the set ended and it was like, "NOOOO GET�BACK�ONSTAGE�WE�LOVE�YOUUUUUU" And then I got a high five from Chang�Wang. But then we got them to do an encore and it was amazing, cause they played Engrish Bwudd, and I�love Engrish Bwudd. It was great. And then afterwards, they all came offstage, except for Honus, who was like, sitting on the stairs of the stage... He looked pretty down, actually. Lol. They were playing this like, techno music, and we were dancing like idiots, and I think he looked at us like "wtf?"�at one point.�

���� So, Honus Honus is like my favorite person in the world so they were like, "Go talk to him,"�and I�was like "I�DUNNO�WHAT�TO�SAY�You go first," and they were like, "No, you go."�HEapos;S�SO�NICE I mustered up the courage to go talk to him, and I was like,�"You guys are absolutely amazing, I�love you"�He sort of looked at me like�"Awhh, that made my day," and he gave me a huge hug, and he was like "Hold on,"�and we went back onstage and I was like, where are you going?�come back... XD. He gave me the set list and I�was like "FOR�REAL??�THANK�YOU"�And we talked for a second about how Poor�Jackie is my favorite song, and they didnapos;t play it because a string broke on the violin, but it was fine, because they played Top Drawer. Then I was like "Well, we wonapos;t bother you anymore,"�and he was like "See you next time,"�and I�was like, "Absolutely, Iapos;m definitely coming to see you guys again,"�and then I was like "FSDL:KFJISOEFSKLDJISDJ:FLKSDJ"�cause I had just gotten a hug and the set list from�Honus Honus. XDDDD

���� It was absolutely mind-blowing cause it was like, out of all the people he could have given it to, he gave it to me. Like, he didnapos;t even have to give it to anyone. And itapos;s like, the fucking set list. When the singer of a band gives you the set list, personally, itapos;s a big deal. Itapos;s a huge deal. Iapos;ve been ranting and raving about this since it happened XD. And Becca told me later that it looked like I genuinely made his day, I�mean I�like making peopleapos;s days, and especially Honus Honus, cause heapos;d be like my band-frontman/woman inspiration if I�were ever to start a band.

���� Then we tried to find Pow Pow, but he was M.I.A. We wanted him to sign the shirts that we got, we had our silver sharpies ready and everything. Lol. Then on the way out, they had these hand printed Man�Man�posters, and I�wanted one really bady, but I didnapos;t have any money left =[. And I was the only one who had any money, so that didnapos;t work out XDD. Yeah, it was amazing. Absolutely amazing.�I donapos;t think Iapos;ll ever get over it, lol. The set list is on my wall now.

����� Iapos;ll definitely get those videos and pictures up as soon as I can figure out how to get them to the computer.

����� =DDDDDDDDDDD



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